ms. amber b (myblueallstars) wrote,
ms. amber b
myblueallstars

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nothing to write home about

i find it incredible... the fact, simply, that i miss someone so much whom i never loved. lust is a tricky bastard. feelings will ALWAYS get entangled with sex. i am sick of feeling miserable over the choice that rob made to not be with me. (everyone's feelings in mind but mine). i think it was the stupidest thing i could have ever involved myself in. but then again, i don't regret it. i needed to learn it, to find the happiness is silliness and spontaneity. but also find the feelings in my anger and the sadness that followed the climax. to perhaps just have a feeling besides numbness. it has been nearly a month, and the situation still messes with my synapses. the lingering of decisions, things said in drunken states and sober emails...it's cruel and unfair and i just want to shake it.

also, i can't paint, and it's driving me nuts. i have had all of these days off and i haven't been able to pick up a brush or a glue stick or a sharpie. i NEED to get all of this out! have you ever heard of painter's block? i have a show to prepare for (the art opening is july 13th!!), another collective show for august and one in january. i need to GET BUSY! i need to give up on hearing from rob. i need to get the fuck on with my life. so, shove me! someone! i need a little help with a head start...


***

I told all my friends dear,
That you've got the loveliest smile.
In hopes that you'd hear.
Come ask me to drink with you, stay for awhile.
And tell me did it work?

And did the attention feel nice?
And tell me did it hurt?
When I said I won't sting you,
Then I did so twice.

My biggest mistake was my heart on my sleeve.
I wore it as cufflinks and you took them from me.
My biggest gamble was my lips and dollars,
Locations have both turned my cheeks crimson colors.

You said life is like a rubber band,
And then snapped a green one between your teeth.
You said you loved metaphors,
I shook my head, said that was a simile.

But I may have missed the point,
That the more you pull the more you break.
You think that I am sad, but sweet.
And thankfully, that is all you need.

My biggest mistake was my heart on my sleeve,
I wore it as cuff links, and you took them from me.
My biggest gamble was my lips and dollars,
Locations have both turned my checks crimson colors.

La dee da
La dee da la dee da da
La dee da
La dee da la dee da da
La dee da…


xo
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