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6 months later.   
05:11pm 24/01/2008
 
mood: cold
are you there livejournal?
it's me, amber.
 
     
13 *wink*s| *wink* *wink*
 
a taste of reality   
09:12pm 20/08/2007
 
mood: sick
1. art openings are better than birthday parties.
2. i may have sold my first painting, ever. totally rad!
3. my little chicago circle is priceless to me. i love my friends!
4. a warm body in bed is better than not having one. cuddling rules!
e. drinking for free at your favorite bar rules and sucks for similar reasons.
6. crying over past lovers in the bathroom during a rock concert is totally lame!
7. letting your friend drive, while still too drunk is a dumb dumb idea.
8. eating wendy's to cure a hangover before it happens never works.
9. bacon is the root of all evil.
10.money sucks, but applying for a new job today could mean that my life will change that feeling.


xo
 
     
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taking on the walls of my tuesday night bar.   
09:56pm 15/08/2007
 
mood: stressed


chicago-peeps, please come. there will be grapes and sandwiches, and it's at my favorite bar
michigan-peeps, we have a futon that is not being used and floor-space galore.
i have monday off too.

after the opening around 9, we will be moving the party northside to wise fools pub for the cataldo show. $10 show. good music. cheap beers. good times.

xo
 
     
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notes:   
01:25am 03/08/2007
 
mood: sick
-don't ever consume 6 tamales in one sitting, ever again.
-stop worrying about people who don't call or text back, they are not worth the time i just spent thinking about why they didn't...
-try not to miss him. it has been a long goddamn time, and i will never get the closure i seek, so deal.
-encouraging words are better than words that hurt or defeat. work on it. awareness is step one.
-find someone to go to my art opening with tomorrow. while it is only 1 piece in the show, it is still a fucking show. it's awesome, share that with someone.
-kurtis arrives around 9 a.m. to fix the bathroom ceiling, hallelujah!


xo
 
     
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notes:   
01:25am 03/08/2007
 
mood: sick
-don't ever consume 6 tamales in one sitting, ever again.
-stop worrying about people who don't call or text back, they are not worth the time i just spent thinking about why they didn't...
-try not to miss him. it has been a long goddamn time, and i will never get the closure i seek, so deal.
-encouraging words are better than words that hurt or defeat. work on it. awareness is step one.
-find someone to go to my art opening with tomorrow. while it is only 1 piece in the show, it is still a fucking show. it's awesome, share that with someone.
-kurtis arrives around 9 a.m. to fix the bathroom ceiling, hallelujah!
 
     
*wink* *wink*
 
one new painting, one new voicemail ( *no new photos, see below)   
01:17am 26/07/2007
 
mood: annoyed
i just finished a new painting.
it only took me 2 hours. it seems that this "speed-painting" is getting me through a lot of bullshit. channeling my feelings by way of paint, glue and paper is pretty freaking amazing. i can't give this up. i won't. i haven't been able to process my feelings so well for myself (& for others) in ages or ever? it feels wonderful. i feel refreshed, pleased. content with what i have created. the only thing i am not quite sure of is the title. "untitled: thinks for herself" 2007.

"untitled: thinks for herself" 2007

detail from "untitled: thinks for herself" 2007


also, i got a voicemail. an apology. i am still debating the likelihood of a call back to him, and i don't need to decide that today. or even tomorrow.

also, my camera is already broken. apparently something got caught between the retractive lens and is causing the camera to unopen and request a restart due to lens jam. this happened moments after i took the photo of my latest painting. eff. i should have been using my camera case the whole time, i am sure it wouldn't have happened. i spent nearly $200 bucks on it, less than 3 months ago. what crap? and i didn't bother with the warranty. dumb. looks like my next big purchase is closer than i thought. so much for daily photo entries. grr. icing on the cake of today? perhaps.

one last thing. i might be having a show at gold star bar in august. maybe with libby. it might be the coolest thing ever. you might have to come. xo
 
     
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from july 23, 2007   
12:22am 24/07/2007
 
mood: anxious
i didn't have the energy to go photo-hunting today, but i did have the energy to finish my 8"x8" mixed media painting that i am mailing tomorrow for submission at another art gallery in chicago called ARC. keeping my fingers crossed! it is called, "this is the first you spoke of it..." 2007.

check it out.
let me know what you think.
"this is the first you spoke of it..." 2007

detail from " this is the first you spoke of it..." 2007

also, this is not so fabulous picture that i took today of my tiny little green pepper butt that began to grow this week. i really love having a city garden!

tiny green pepper butt
xo
 
     
1 *wink*| *wink* *wink*
 
sunflowers: from june 11, 2007   
08:03pm 22/07/2007
 
mood: sleepy
i didn't have my camera batteries charged, so no new photos today.

here are four from juneeleventwothousandandseven.

sunflowers with bee

sunflowers with multiple bees



telephone pole, blue sky with clouds, sunflowers, bee man fixing telephone pole in alley

xo
 
     
3 *wink*s| *wink* *wink*
 
photo journal entry: july 20-21, 2007   
01:22am 22/07/2007
 
mood: tired
so i am bad at the then and now.
shoot me.

here are a few from july 20th:

view from bridge near halstead, chicago

note to self:

texture: wood, drywall, cement, matte paint, board...

line: staggered, diagonal

form: demolition

once upon a time...then the ceiling gave way.


and just one from july 21, with a link to the flickr account i created for the finch gallery, chicago. this is a gallery that is co-directed by my friend casey and her friend nicholas. the space has more or less been donated to them and is located in logan square. finch gallery is situated on the second floor of the fireside bowl building at 2648 w. fullerton. if you are ever in chicago, especially in the next three weeks check out casey's show. here's the link to the images that i posted from her two openings...there were about 200+, only 47 made it online due to monthly space limitations.the questions themselves. casey murtaugh,2007 or, check out the space at: www.finchgallery.com


here is an "artsy" shot of some randomly stuck daisies on the side of the fireplace mantle...



goodnight!
xo
 
     
3 *wink*s| *wink* *wink*
 
new goals   
12:54am 17/07/2007
 
mood: pleased
a good new goal taken from someone's good advice: capture 20 photos a day. post one or more of my favorites.

today's: (4)

always a bridesmaid-2

even firehydrants have limbs

horse and cab

wet newspaper dried

xo
 
     
4 *wink*s| *wink* *wink*
 
7-7-07   
10:02pm 07/07/2007
 
mood: bummed
not so lucky for me.

my friend libby and i applied to partake in the 5th annual renegade craft fair in wicker park. the craft sale is to be held on saturday sept. 15th and sunday sept. 16th, two streets from my house. today we got our rejection letter from the creators of the fair. boo hoo. i guess they had more than 700 applications and could only allow 200 vendors. we will get out $210 security deposit back later this week. and i decided that we should suck it up and still have a sale. just that it will be a yard sale/DIY goodies sale, and we will pop a tent in the front yard and sell our wares there. i figure that the traffic, though not as busy, will surely be worth it. if anything it gives a chance to sell some of our cool crap and make a couple of dollas. we will plaster the neighborhood with signs and posters to announce our sale--the day before so that they can't be removed. hell! maybe i'll even hire a friend to flag craft fair-goers down and tell them about our denied application and our cool shit for sale. sure, many of the crafters/artists in the fair have been working on their stuff for years. many even have their own store and online businesses, but what about the little ladies? we want to make money too! so that's the plan. we will turn our rejection into a revolution!

look for updates about this soon.
let's do this!
xo
 
     
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it was something, not one thing, not one thing   
10:13am 22/06/2007
 
mood: anxious
isn't it amazing how alcohol can give you the power of a superhero?
i am getting over dramatic about the possibility of meeting someone tonight,
we haven't been talking long, but we have been talking. he's too attractive.
i think i am going to need a lot of booze to get the courage to be assertive and funny.

sigh.

also my right arm keeps twitching. what the heck is that about? it is twitching like a heartbeat, and it's totally wigging me out. i wonder if i should be concerned if it doesn't stop?

hmmp.

i might be offered a job today. maybe that is wishful thinking, maybe intuition. but it could be terrific. either way i am meeting with the head of another department for coffee and chit-chat, she said in her email today that she is bringing a colleague. maybe i'll have a new job by the end of july. who knows? the craziest thing on my mind this week is the memory of packing up in michigan and moving to chicago. it will officially be 1 year that shawna and i jumped the lake, this sunday. time flies. it has been so much fun.

xo
 
     
4 *wink*s| *wink* *wink*
 
headline: sullivan j. cat three years old, how about it?   
01:10am 18/06/2007
 
mood: amused
Photo Sharing and Video Hosting at Photobucket
 
     
3 *wink*s| *wink* *wink*
 
on dating   
08:17pm 15/06/2007
 
mood: annoyed
latest self-annoyance:

-meeting nice guys, that are boring.
-wanting to date the guys who are not reliable or complimentary.
-finding 31 year olds intimidating.

xo
 
     
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act II butter flavored popping corn   
12:08am 06/06/2007
 
mood: full
i ate a bag of popcorn for dinner.
now the corners of my mouth feel like they've been paper-cut by one thousand envelopes.


xo
 
     
1 *wink*| *wink* *wink*
 
digital camera   
02:44pm 01/06/2007
 
mood: accomplished
my digital camera has died many deaths over the last year. for the last few months it has held together with two elastic hair ties, but just barely. in may it died. it took it's finally photographs and has been put to rest.

over the last week i have been researching for the purchase of a new digital camera. i didn't want something so nice that i would never use it, and i didn't want something so crappy it would turn out to be a toss out. after an hour+ of price hunting today, i decided that shawna was right and that her new camera is pretty awesome. It is a reasonably priced canon with a lot of cool, easy features. so i made the purchase for my own new Canon A560 through Amazon.com with a free cloth case and also i purchased a charger with batteries. now, i only have to get a 1 or 2 GB memory card (because buying one with my order would have totally delayed my shipping? weird?!) i should get it by thursday, which is key because i am going home to michigan next weekend and i want to take some photographs on my road trip!

also, this is a warning to all of my friends who have been spared annoying photo entries. you have another week before my posts will begin again. enjoy it.

xo

p.s. who wants to hang out when i'm home? my schedule is pretty packed, but i would like to see some of your beautiful faces when i get back to the mitten. i don't know when i'll be coming home again, probably not until fall... leave me a comment and let me know what friday-sunday looks like for you and i will let you know what my set-in-stone plans are for those days.
 
     
1 *wink*| *wink* *wink*
 
nothing to write home about   
11:35pm 27/05/2007
 
mood: contemplative
i find it incredible... the fact, simply, that i miss someone so much whom i never loved. lust is a tricky bastard. feelings will ALWAYS get entangled with sex. i am sick of feeling miserable over the choice that rob made to not be with me. (everyone's feelings in mind but mine). i think it was the stupidest thing i could have ever involved myself in. but then again, i don't regret it. i needed to learn it, to find the happiness is silliness and spontaneity. but also find the feelings in my anger and the sadness that followed the climax. to perhaps just have a feeling besides numbness. it has been nearly a month, and the situation still messes with my synapses. the lingering of decisions, things said in drunken states and sober emails...it's cruel and unfair and i just want to shake it.

also, i can't paint, and it's driving me nuts. i have had all of these days off and i haven't been able to pick up a brush or a glue stick or a sharpie. i NEED to get all of this out! have you ever heard of painter's block? i have a show to prepare for (the art opening is july 13th!!), another collective show for august and one in january. i need to GET BUSY! i need to give up on hearing from rob. i need to get the fuck on with my life. so, shove me! someone! i need a little help with a head start...


***

I told all my friends dear,
That you've got the loveliest smile.
In hopes that you'd hear.
Come ask me to drink with you, stay for awhile.
And tell me did it work?

And did the attention feel nice?
And tell me did it hurt?
When I said I won't sting you,
Then I did so twice.

My biggest mistake was my heart on my sleeve.
I wore it as cufflinks and you took them from me.
My biggest gamble was my lips and dollars,
Locations have both turned my cheeks crimson colors.

You said life is like a rubber band,
And then snapped a green one between your teeth.
You said you loved metaphors,
I shook my head, said that was a simile.

But I may have missed the point,
That the more you pull the more you break.
You think that I am sad, but sweet.
And thankfully, that is all you need.

My biggest mistake was my heart on my sleeve,
I wore it as cuff links, and you took them from me.
My biggest gamble was my lips and dollars,
Locations have both turned my checks crimson colors.

La dee da
La dee da la dee da da
La dee da
La dee da la dee da da
La dee da…


xo
 
     
7 *wink*s| *wink* *wink*
 
   
12:49am 30/04/2007
 
mood: restless
i once met a boy on the #22.
now i fear i will miss the bus.

xo
 
     
4 *wink*s| *wink* *wink*
 
and if you took to me now, like a gull takes to the wind   
11:39pm 25/04/2007
 
mood: drunk
the shins-new slang. totally the story of my life right now. the same as it was back in september.

p.s. consuming bottles of wine with good friends is always a nice way to end a wednesday night!

xo
 
     
*wink* *wink*
 
chicago, you are my kind of town   
01:49am 19/04/2007
 
mood: silly
i took this quiz 2 years ago, little has changed. i really love it here.

American Cities That Best Fit You::
80% Chicago
65% New York City
65% Philadelphia
55% San Diego
55% San Francisco


xo
 
     
*wink* *wink*
 
tax refund   
08:08pm 15/04/2007
 
mood: happy
holy crap!
what a nice surprise when your tax refund shows up, early.
now, since money always burns a whole in my pocket i must decide;

a) buy myself a new digital camera
b) buy my lollapalooza ticket online
c) pay bills early...

xo
 
     
*wink* *wink*
 
   
08:53pm 14/04/2007
 
mood: full
i hope that i don't live in chicago in 2016. xo
 
     
1 *wink*| *wink* *wink*
 
   
06:20pm 13/04/2007
 
mood: nauseated
i have a bellyache that stretches all the way from left to right.
everything i put on feels like i'm binding myself, making it feel worse.
i worry that this is a familiar feeling...

xo
 
     
1 *wink*| *wink* *wink*
 
two days off!   
09:37pm 12/04/2007
 
mood: busy
this is the second week in a row that i have had two full days off and it is wonderful! today i slept in and then made myself breakfast. afterward, i busted out some fresh acrylics and a fresh 12X36 canvas and went to town. i took a break from that painting ("i met him on a tuesday"), and with a fresh idea i started in on a 9X12 baby that i have named, "georgia loves robert"--which is sort of a marriage between two of my favorite artists of all time, georgia o'keeffe and robert rauschenberg. it's a mess and i like it! i am trying to get together about 10 pieces to choose 3 from for the gallery show that i will be a part of in july with my co-workers at the museum. (more on this later!) i took some photos with my 3/4 dead camera, and will post an update on here later, also.

tonight i will abstain from boozing and get to bed early. tomorrow is jam-packed with laundry, errand running and an opening for my friend daniel's first solo show at some art gallery in pilsen. should be really fun!

xo
 
     
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taxes and a two day weekend   
10:05pm 05/04/2007
 
mood: pleased
so now my taxes are really done!
i just paid for turbo tax, printed 29 pages of crap, and now i will wait to get my michigan return. i ended up owing the IRS federal taxes in the amount of $285 bucks, which sucks but whatever. at least i'm getting back a couple of bucks from illinois and a bit more from michigan. thank goodness that is behind me. i have never waited so long to get my taxes filed, totally stressful!

thursday mornings i am usually working at TGIFriday's, but they didn't schedule me so i actually had a thursday off!instead, i slept in until 11:30 a.m. then got some veggie grub with seth at atomix.after which, we went to the MCA for a couple hours to check out the latest exhibits. they had a really fantastic photography exhibition which included some of my favorite female photographers-barbara kruger, carrie mae weems and cindy shurman. it was pretty rad! and we got in free with my AIC badge. double rad!!

after i dropped off seth, i walked to walgreens and picked up more polaroid film and some random crap that i needed/wanted. i took pictures in my neighborhood and walked around for an hour or so. for as chilly as the day was, the sun was shining and that made me happy. i cooked hot dogs and mac n' cheese for dinner and then scanned in the self-portrait i took today with my polaroid. i can't wait for my michigan tax return to show up in my account, because then i can finally buy a semi-good digital camera. whew!



yesterday, i went on an adventure with my friend rob. we drove off to the suburbs to eat at cracker barrel. i took pictures with his digital and will post some pictures soon. especially because we visited the bahai temple near evanston and it was the most beautiful place i've ever seen. seriously! (another reason i wish i had my own camera...)

it really has been a great two days off.
xo
 
     
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